A mother is facing emotional turmoil as her daughter chooses to break away from conventional wedding customs. In a letter to Slate’s advice column, the parent expressed disappointment after learning that her daughter has decided against several traditional practices. The daughter, engaged to her partner of five years, made choices that reflect her personal values and beliefs, leading to a clash between generations. This decision not only affects the mother but also other family members who were anticipating participating in these events. The mother feels hurt by the lack of involvement and the absence of familiar rituals, questioning whether she should attend the ceremony at all. Despite this, the advice columnist emphasizes the importance of respecting the couple's wishes and focusing on their happiness rather than adhering to outdated traditions.

The engagement announcement brought unexpected news for the family. Instead of embracing classic symbols like an engagement ring, the daughter chose to forego it, expressing dissatisfaction with diamonds due to both aesthetic and ethical reasons. She believed that such items did not align with her principles. Moreover, she declined to host an engagement party or bridal shower, opting for a more private celebration. Her decision to exclude a bridal party left her sisters feeling disappointed, as they had looked forward to being part of the festivities.

Further deviations from tradition included the refusal to create a wedding registry, which left friends uncertain about gift selections. The daughter also decided not to invite her mother’s friends to the wedding, limiting attendance to close family and personal acquaintances. When it came to selecting attire, she bypassed elaborate wedding dress shopping in favor of a simple white gown. Perhaps most significantly, she chose not to have her father walk her down the aisle, stating that she viewed herself as an independent individual, not property to be handed over.

The mother lamented the absence of customary elements such as a first dance, wedding dinner, toasts, and even a bar. She compared this situation to her other daughter’s wedding, which, despite some challenges, turned out beautifully and was funded by the parents. Although the current bride and groom are financially capable of covering the costs themselves, the mother felt that offering financial support could help preserve cherished traditions. However, the daughter’s fiancé is equally committed to maintaining their unique vision for the day.

In response to the mother’s concerns, Nicole Chung, the advice columnist, firmly advocated for understanding and acceptance. She emphasized that the wedding should center on the couple and their aspirations for the future. Chung pointed out that many of the traditions highlighted by the mother were arbitrary and less significant compared to the true essence of the occasion. She advised the family to focus on supporting their daughter’s happiness rather than clinging to self-centered expectations. Ultimately, the columnist urged them to reconsider boycotting the event and instead find ways to celebrate the union in a meaningful manner.