In a world where social media often presents a curated, polished version of our lives, one platform stands out as a true reflection of our inner selves: Spotify. For the author, this music streaming service has become a sanctuary, a place where their evolving taste and personal growth are laid bare. Through the lens of their playlists, they embark on a captivating exploration of how music has shaped their sense of identity, navigating the complexities of cultural heritage and the search for belonging.

Uncovering the Melodies of Self-Discovery

Childhood Soundtracks and the Echoes of Assimilation

The author's musical journey began in childhood, immersed in the familiar tunes of The Beatles and other American classics. Growing up in a household that prioritized assimilation, the author's family embraced the mainstream musical landscape, unaware of the cultural disconnect it created. As the author discovered the overwhelmingly white representation in the music videos and artists they grew up with, they began to grapple with the realization that the music they loved did not fully reflect their own identity.

Rediscovering Cultural Roots and the Power of Representation

The author's exploration of their cultural heritage took an unexpected turn when they learned about the iconic Taiwanese singer Teresa Teng, not from their own family, but through a high school Chinese class. This discovery sparked a newfound appreciation for the rich musical traditions of their ancestry, which had been overshadowed by the family's assimilation into American culture. The author's growing awareness of their "confusingly mixed identity" led to a sense of resentment towards their family's lack of cultural preservation, highlighting the importance of representation and the need to bridge the gap between their American upbringing and their Asian heritage.

Navigating the Complexities of Identity through Music

As the author navigated the nuances of their identity, they found that the music they loved often failed to reflect the diversity of experiences. The author's realization that the descriptions of beauty in childhood songs did not match their own physical features further emphasized the disconnect between the mainstream music landscape and their personal identity. This revelation prompted the author to seek ways to shape the music they loved to better align with their own sense of self, a process that ultimately led to a deeper connection with the art form.

Spotify as a Sanctuary for Self-Expression

The author's Spotify account has become a personal sanctuary, a space where they can explore and curate their musical tastes without the constraints of social media's polished facades. Through their playlists, the author has discovered the power of music to transport them back to specific moments in their life, allowing them to revisit and reexperience the emotions and experiences that shaped their journey. This intimate connection with music has become a grounding force, helping the author face the future with the same vivacity and passion they felt in their childhood.

Rewriting the Lyrics of Belonging

One of the most poignant moments in the author's musical journey was the discovery that their family had subtly altered the lyrics of a beloved Carpenters song to better reflect the author's physical features. This act of personalization, though seemingly small, highlighted the author's deep-seated need to feel represented and connected to the music they cherished. The author's decision to continue singing the altered lyrics, even when aware of the original version, underscores the transformative power of music to create a sense of belonging and self-acceptance.

Music as a Compass for Personal Growth

The author's Spotify playlists have become a reflection of their personal growth, serving as a sonic diary that chronicles the ebbs and flows of their life. From the frantic energy of college application season to the nostalgic hues of pre-college days, the author's musical selections have become a tool for self-understanding and emotional expression. By revisiting their past playlists, the author is able to reconnect with their former selves, drawing strength and inspiration from the emotions they once felt, and using music as a compass to navigate the complexities of the present and the uncertainties of the future.